


High By the Beach

by det395



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010, Anxiety, M/M, Marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 21:38:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/det395/pseuds/det395
Summary: They get high during the freedom of their Portugal vacation and for a moment there, Phil starts to worry that he and Dan aren't really alright





	High By the Beach

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [quercussp](http://quercussp.tumblr.com) for beta-ing!!
> 
> (tw for drug paranoia)

While Dan’s eyes are still closed, he leans down and smells the bag of brownies. He swears it smells a bit off, like dirt. It kind of looks dirt-infused. All those crumbly bits of dry batter. He’s not sure if it’s just because his appetite has gone sour.

 

He could have told Dan he changed his mind. Definitely. Dan would laugh and make fun of him a bit and Phil’s mood would be sour for about five minutes until the sound of the waves and the colour of Dan’s skin under the sky brought him back to contentedness.

 

The brownie tasted like dirt, crumbled in his mouth like the patches of sand around them. He’s never been so disgusted by a sweet before. It churns in his stomach more and more as the minutes count down. When did he eat it again?

 

Dan looks so peaceful. It always shocks Phil how young he looks when he’s sleeping. He might not be fully asleep right now, but his skin is smooth from the laugh and worry lines he gets. Phil feels a bit jealous, actually. He wishes he could join him in such serenity.

 

His throat bobs once as he swallows and then lets his mouth gape open again. It looks so innocent. Phil almost feels like he should look away in these moments.

 

They have three more days in Portugal and it’s a blessing for them, but it still weighs heavy on him that it has to end. He would gladly stay in that bedbug-ridden hotel room for another month with Dan, feasting on greasy sandwiches and seafood and finding the most private spots along the rocks by the sea. The sun has never shone on them holding hands like this before.

 

But now he’s worried it’s all ruined, that these flutters of nerves might just paralyze him and steal his afternoon away.

 

He leans a finger forward slowly and brushes against the dark eyelashes that cast shadows on Dan’s skin. His eyes twitch and flutter and he squeezes them shut before squinting up at Phil.

 

“How much longer?” Phil asks.

 

Dan shrugs, shading his eyes with his hand.

 

Phil lays down on the blanket and stares at Dan.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Sometimes he still feels nervous to kiss Dan first. He’s not sure why, he can even see in Dan’s face how much he wants to be kissed. Dan doesn’t hide much in his expression, even if he tries. It’s just sometimes when they first see each other he can’t really believe he’s allowed.

 

Dan watches him stare and then lurches forward, pressing his lips to Phil’s so hard he almost pushes Phil back. Always taking what he wants, at least when it comes to affection.

 

For a long minute his mind wanders elsewhere and he knows he can do this, this is something good and this is something he likes. He can handle a few hours taming his nerves.

 

When Dan pulls back looking a little smug and he opens his eyes to the glaring sun he feels a bit forced back into reality. Maybe he can just make out with Dan until his high wears off.

 

He thinks he feels a little weird already, but he feels weird a lot and maybe he’s just too aware of his feelings right now or it’s placebo, but if this is just placebo he’s worried about how he’ll feel without any control of his mind.

 

Dan sits up, shuffling through his bag to pull out an iPod and a tangle of headphones. He passes one ear to Phil and lays back to scroll. When he finally chooses something, it’s unfamiliar to Phil and a little intense, electronic and surreal with gibberish lyrics. He passes the headphone back.

 

“You okay?”

 

Phil nods, laying down. Dan frowns deeply, staring up at the sky.

 

Now he’s just guilty for ruining this afternoon that Dan had wanted. It doesn’t feel good, it feels like they’ve come to a crossroads in their chemistry. Dan didn’t seem like the kind of guy to smoke weed...or eat it...but apparently every now and then he does, with those university friends that Phil’s only ever walked by to get to Dan’s room. It doesn’t feel great to find an activity that Dan enjoys with other people that Phil just doesn't understand.

 

Phil’s not used to these kinds of nerves around Dan. He’s used to the fun, fluttery nerves that made him want to run as much as it made him want to bite Dan’s neck. These kinds of nerves are reminding him of the embarrassing high school parties he went to, getting wobbly from a few beers, leaving them on a table with a quarter of drink left so he would look like he was caught up to everyone, then spending the next day trying to forget the stupid stuff he said. Those nerves that come with pretending to be someone he’s not.

 

This kind of reminds him that he’s still quite sheltered and isolated, that he gets intimidated easily and isn’t actually that good at social interactions, even if he feels good at faking it now. Dan just might see right through to the anxiety he never actually left in his preteens. He doesn’t think that’s really a problem, except that Dan obviously doesn’t feel the same when it comes to this subject. And it’s just as embarrassing that Phil let himself be pressured by his boyfriend when he had doubts. Has he really not changed since he was 15?

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Dan asks suddenly. Phil’s heart lurches, his fear is coming true.

 

“No? You haven’t done anything.”

 

“Whatever.” Dan lays back down, face turned pointedly away from Phil.

 

Phil can feel his heart beat faster suddenly in his chest and the thought crosses his mind that he might be dying or having a heart attack. He can immediately hear Dan’s imaginary voice in his head scolding his silliness and calling him a hypochondriac and it’s comforting. He knows he’s being stupid.

 

“I’ve only gotten high once, back in sixth form,” Phil blurts out.

 

“You told me.”

 

“It made me feel...not too good.”

 

“Then why the fuck did you take edibles with me?” Dan’s voice goes up a pitch, thankfully losing the genuine hurt and anger that was there a minute ago.

 

“I don’t know?”

 

“Well, what do you wanna do then?” Dan asks.

 

“What do you mean?”

  
  
“Well, fuck, I don’t want to be the one to ruin your day by this.” The whine is back in his voice and Dan sits up.

 

“No, like, it’s fine, I’ll be fine.”

 

“Do you think I would have cared if you didn’t want to do this? Like, I just thought it would be fun since we’re finally away from it all and trying to relax and I wasn’t like—”

 

Phil sits up and pokes at his knee. “No, I did want to do it. Everything is fun with you, if you want to do something I want to try it. I just don’t want to ruin _your_ day by me going out of my mind.”

 

“Why would that happen?”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t want to be weird to you.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean by that.”

 

Phil shrugs. Dan sighs.

 

“What, you’re a paranoid stoner? I guess I could have guessed that.” Dan lets a small smile through. “I kind of am too, all ‘did I leave the door unlocked? Did I turn off the oven?’”

 

“I’m not a stoner.”

 

“Believe me, I know.”

 

“I miss when you thought I was really cool,” Phil says. He lays back down, tired of holding his head up.

 

“I still think you’re cool,” Dan says in a quiet voice.

 

“Can I admit something?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“The first time I smoked weed, I went and hid in the bathroom and called Martyn then asked him to take me to the hospital because I thought I was overdosing.” Phil grimaces.

 

Dan looks at him for a few seconds, holding his lips tight together, until he bursts out laughing. He falls back next to Phil and holds his stomach while he laughs even louder than usual.

 

Phil’s laughs just to join in, “I’m pretty sure I _was_ dying!”

 

“And did you go to the hospital and tell all the nurses that?” Dan wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.

 

“No, he just drove me to Mcdonald’s and we watched Buffy ‘til I passed out on the sofa.”

 

Dan let’s out a rather embarrassingly genuine "aww" and tilts his head.

 

“Hey, remember when you thought I was cool? Never forget that.”

 

“Mm, never.” Dan rolls up on one elbow to look down at Phil.

 

“Dan?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I think I’m high.”

 

Dan snorts. “And what do you want me to do about it?”

 

“A good snog keeps the doctors away.” He glances quickly around at the empty expanse of grass around them.

 

“Uh huh, that was prescribed to ya’?”

 

“Mhm, doctors orders,” he puckers his lips and closes his eyes, a relief from the glare of the sun.

 

It takes a few beats too long but Dan finally does kiss him. Phil quickly bites his lower lip and grabs his waist to try and pull Dan on top of him, suddenly craving that weight and warmth.

 

“Phil!” Dan scolds, pushing back with real strength. “We’re still in public.”

 

“No one can see us here, the beach is deserted!”

 

“We’re going to get arrested for sodomy.”

  
  
“I don’t even know what that is,” Phil reaches a hand down to grab Dan’s behind but he squirms out of his grasp until he’s back on his side of the blanket.

 

“Read a book, man,” he giggles and rolls on his stomach to sprawl out. Phil scoots closer until they’re just barely touching.

 

“You okay for real? I might just die of guilt if you have a panic attack for the next few hours.”

 

Phil thinks for a minute, swallowing back the saliva in his mouth. “Yeah, just distract me, please.”

 

“I will.”

 

Dan goes silent, though, watching Phil. Phil stares back. It’s a good enough distraction.

 

“Your skin looks nice under the blue sun,” he mumbles, poking where Dan’s dimple usually is.

 

Dan stares at him for a long few seconds without saying anything, a smile slowly stretching wide. “Really, Phil? Shit must’ve hit you hard, I think we might be needing that ambulance.”

 

“What? Oh! Shut up, you know what I mean.”

 

“I’m fluent in your weird shit by now I guess.”

 

“I’m fluent in your mum’s weird shit.”

 

Dan moves closer and presses their lips together. It’s soft, like Dan is just trying to feel around Phil’s lips by pulling off and kissing each corner, the top lip then the bottom lip, while Phil tries his best to keep his hands to himself. Dan lifts a hand up into Phil’s hair at the back of his head and winds his fingers into the strands, pulling slightly.

 

Phil shivers and groans. “Mm, don’t stop.”

 

“You’re weird,” Dan mumbles but continues to pet Phil, a bit like a cat. Phil nuzzles closer as they kiss, reaching out to pull Dan onto him by his belt buckles.

 

He complies this time, rolling on top of Phil, but only for a couple of moments before rolling right over him and out of Phil’s grasp. He breathes in heavily and Phil studies his eyes, hooded and darker than usual, avoiding Phil’s gaze in his restraint.

 

“You really can’t be trusted when you’re not sober.” Dan shakes his head slowly back and forth.

 

Phil smirks. “Okay, okay, I’ll calm down.”

 

He does so by turning on his side and closing his eyes. He breathes in himself, trying to get comfortable on the hard ground.

 

He feels good. In control, content and fuzzy in a physically noticeable way. It’s because of Dan, though, and this will probably be the last time he gets high. He doesn’t need it and he doesn’t particularly want it.

 

There _is_ something exciting about being so free and isolated in this whole other country, doing something a little bad. He still attributes it to Dan, though.

 

Dan’s shuffling slightly next to him, still close enough that Phil can hear his breathing amidst the sound of the sea and distant vehicles.

 

“This _is_ relaxing, I can hear the sound of the beach.”

 

It takes fifteen seconds of Dan laughing before he realizes what he’s really said. He just reaches out and kisses Dan again, without even glancing around them.

**Author's Note:**

> [[tumblr link!](https://det395.tumblr.com/post/185027219237/high-by-the-beach)]


End file.
